Bruce's Strange Dream

Okay, it's Wednesday, this Castle is due out on Saturday, and I spent all of yesterday staring at a blank computer screen. This is what happens every time. If I have something "important" that I "have" to do, my brain panics and freezes up. Then, once the situation gets truly desperate, I go into "emergency" mode and get something turned out at the very last minute.

Now, this is not a great way to do things. I know it would be much better to start work on important things, say, a few weeks (or at least a few days) in advance. I do not believe in Procrastination as a religion or even as a philosophy. But I still find myself practicing it with all the fervor of a devout believer. The only things I get done are those that are for someone else, those that aren't important, and those that are absolutely desperate. Otherwise I Procrastinate....

One trick I have learned is to invite someone else to come over and help out with doing stuff. Having another person to work with makes things easier. At the Cons, of course, I have lots of other people to help out. Also, the conventions are nothing but last-minute emergencies, so I am at my best. But sitting here at home, even just writing this page is like going to the dentist.

Anyway, as I woke up this morning I had a sort of a dream. In this dream, whatever was stopping me from doing stuff was buried in the past. In some unmarked grave, there was a distant memory that made me associate "having to do something" with the feelings of panic and near disaster. And the more important the task, the worse the feelings became.

I know that it all relates to growing up in a chaotic family, in which "doing" anything might end up in punishment. But for any problem I believe there has to be a solution.

In my almost-a-dream, I was on the verge of complete understanding. Yes, just as I was about to have the whole problem solved, once and for all... I woke up.

So, if any of you out there has had this same dream, and you know what the ending is, please call and tell me.

In the meantime, I will just have to keep working on things that are "just for fun". You know, things like a con to celebrate Halloween, or building castles out of sand on a beach.

But even if I do figure out how to do things on my own, I think I'd still like to have all of you around. Most times, it is a lot more fun having friends to do things with. You know the old saying, "the more the merrier"....

-- Bruce

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